37 Christmas Quotes to Keep You Inspired Until December
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”– Andy Borowitz
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”– Victor Borge
“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.”– Melanie White
“There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?”– Conan O’Brien
“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”– Dave Barry
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.”– Bridger Winegar
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”– Winston Spear
“At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” –Robert Godden
“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.”– Guy Endore Kaiser
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”– Kin Hubbard
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.’” – Bernard Manning
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”– Don Marquis
“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”– Bridger Winegar
“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.”– Erma Bombeck
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” –Johnny Carson
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”– Garrison Keillor
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”– Henny Youngman
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”– Jerry Seinfeld
“Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.”– Lenore Hershey
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!”– Anne Bristow
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”– Shirley Temple
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?”– Matt Groening
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.” –Carol Nelson
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson
“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”– Tom Armstrong
“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.”– Catherine Tate
“Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?”– Arlo Guthrie
“Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.”– Richard Lamm
“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.”– Tom Sims
“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”– Joan Rivers
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson
“Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.”– Author Unknown
“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.”– Steven Wright
“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.”– Sean Hughes
“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck
“Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.”– Wendy Cope
“Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.”– Alan Bradley
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”– Unknown
“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.”– Roy L. Smith
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.”– Andy Borowitz
“People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces properly if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.”– Ogden Nash
“A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.”– John B. Priestly
“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.”– Fred Rogers
“‘Elf’ has become this big holiday movie, and I remember running around the streets of New York in tights saying, ‘This could be the last movie I ever make,’ and I could never have predicted that it’d become such a popular film.”– Will Ferrell
“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.”– Dave Berry
“Next to a circus, there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”– Frank McKinney Hubbard
“One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis C.K.
“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.”– Donald E. Westlake
“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.”– Author Unknown
