Connect with us

Quotes

373 Hilarious and Funny Quotes to Make Your Day Better

FunnyReign

Published

on

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect. – Oscar Wilde

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?– Steven Wright

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you. – Robin Williams

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. – Norm Crosby

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. – Yogi Berra

My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. – Jimmy Carter

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney

I’m in shape. Round is a shape. – George Carlin

I’m too drunk to taste this chicken. – Colonel Sanders

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Matt Groening

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. – Albert Einstein

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag. – Molly Ivins

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. – Rita Rudner

Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories. – Jessica Simpson

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. – George Burns

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. – Al McGuire

Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both. – Janet Evanovich

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I. – Oscar Levant

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. – Ellen DeGeneres

I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical. – Arthur C. Clarke

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. – Woody Allen

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’– Sydney J. Harris

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. – Rodney Dangerfield

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. – Albert Camus

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. – Cathy Guisewite

Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most. – Ozzy Osbourne

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. – Jean Rostand

Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you. – Jeffree Star

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. – George W. Bush

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. – Gertrude Stein

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. – Ann Landers

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. – Doug Larson

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. – Ashleigh Brilliant

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. – Winston S. Churchill

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. – Bob Thaves

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?– Robin Williams

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. – Kurt Vonnegut

If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again. – Stan Laurel

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?– George Carlin

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. – Mitch Hedberg

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. – Woody Allen

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. – William JamesA lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. – Winston Churchill

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. – Oscar Wilde

If you must make a noise, make it quietly. – Oliver Hardy

Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – Helen Rowland

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. – Bill Murray

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. – George Carlin

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. – Rob Corddry

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. – George Bernard Shaw

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Steven Wright

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. – Will Rogers

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. – Billy Wilder

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. – Carl Sagan

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. – Steven Wright

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. – Natalie Wood

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. – Samuel Goldwyn

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?– Scott Adams

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. – Phyllis Diller

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. – James Thurber

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. – Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. – Rodney Dangerfield

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. – Jack Benny

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. – Casey Stengel

All men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. – Groucho Marx

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. – Ellen DeGeneres

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. – George Carlin

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – Steven Wright

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. – David Letterman

I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. – Fred Allen

A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. – Walter Bagehot

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. – H. L. Mencken

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Bernard Baruch

I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. – Samuel Goldwyn

It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours. – Harry S. Truman

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. – Steven Wright

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. – Gore Vidal

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. – Daniel J. Boorstin

I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. – Woody Allen

All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. – Robert Breault

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. – Edward Abbey

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. – Bill Murray

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time. – Mark Twain

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. – Jackie Mason

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening. – Alexander Woollcott

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. – Bob Hope

A day without laughter is a day wasted. – Charlie Chaplin

Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. – Margaret Culkin Banning

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. – Harlan Ellison

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. – George Carlin

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. – Mark Twain

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. – Douglas Adams

Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir

When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic. – Jane Wagner

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?– George Carlin

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. – Mark Twain

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. – Billy Sunday

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. – John Wayne

I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. – Henny Youngman

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain

I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun. – Scott Adams

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. – Walter Matthau

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. – W. C. Fields

Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something. – Enid Blyton

Life is a sexually transmitted disease. – R. D. Laing

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. – Bertrand Russell

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!– Billy Connolly

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. – John Maynard Keynes

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’– Conan O’Brien

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. – Josh Billings

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? – Jerry Seinfeld

That’s the funny thing about life. We’re rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. The just-misses. The almost-never-happeneds. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present. – Lauren Miller

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. – Peter Cook

When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life. – Richard Lewis

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. – Mitch Hedberg

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies. – Oliver Goldsmith

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. – Wilhelm II

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. – Ronald Reagan

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.’– Homer Simpson

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. – Benjamin Franklin

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?– Benny Hill

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. – Fred Allen

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. – John Hughes

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – Steven Wright

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. – Emo Philips

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. – Oscar Wilde

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. – Laurence J. Peter

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. – Mike Myers

Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. – Mitch Hedberg

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. – Groucho Marx

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography. – Ambrose Bierce

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right. – Ashleigh Brilliant

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. – Steven Wright

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. – Harry Hill

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. – Bill Watterson

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. – Billy Connolly

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. – Bertrand Russell

We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know. – W. H. Auden

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. – Earl Wilson

I hate women because they always know where things are. – Voltaire

I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job. – Samuel Goldwyn

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. – Laurell K. Hamilton

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. – Abraham Lincoln

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. – Steven Wright

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me. – Marc Maron

If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help. – Richard D. Wolff

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. – Robert Orben

You cannot be anything if you want to be everything. – Solomon Schechter

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. – George Burns

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?– Jay Leno

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. – Jerry Seinfeld

It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. – Muhammad Ali

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. – Jim Davis

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. – George Carlin

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’– Claude Pepper

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam. – George Carlin

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. – Anton Chekhov

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one. – Sid Caesar

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. – Johnny Carson

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female. – Desmond Morris

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. – Robert Benchley

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. – Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. – Milton Berle

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. – George Bernard Shaw

Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. – Will Rogers

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. – Socrates

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. – David Lee Roth

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. – Groucho Marx

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. – Sam Ewing

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. – Fred Allen

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. – Robert Frost

The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he. – Karl Kraus

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. – Katharine Hepburn

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. – Josh Billings

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. – Bryan White

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog. – Jay Leno

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. – Yakov Smirnoff

In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. So the only difference between myself and the believers is that I am skeptical of 2,500 gods whereas they are skeptical of 2,499 gods. We’re only one God away from total agreement. – Michael Shermer

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain

A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. – Denis Waitley

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. – Naguib Mahfouz

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. – W. C. Fields

I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde

An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. – Dylan Thomas

Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else. – Mae West

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. – E. B. White

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Dale Carnegie

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. – Theodore Roosevelt

Man has his will, but woman has her way. – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads. – Andy Borowitz

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

You’re only as good as your last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz

Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. – Betty White

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama

Political correctness is tyranny with manners. – Charlton Heston

I drink to make other people more interesting. – Ernest Hemingway

Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. – M. Scott Peck

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. – Ron White

It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. – Navjot Singh Sidhu

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. – Albert Einstein

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. – Mark Twain

“Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success.”

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”

“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it,”

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”

“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”

“I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?”

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”

“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

“Inside me, there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

“Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.”

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”

“Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy’s pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.”

“Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.”

“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well, guess what, I get F’s!!”

“I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman.”

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody’s fingers.”

“When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.”

“A real girl isn’t perfect and a perfect girl isn’t real.”

“Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.”

“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”

“A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself and hates them for it.”

“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”

“Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.”

“I’m placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don’t know, possibly littering.”

“Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.”

“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”

“Pressure is something you feel when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.”

“What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name.”

“However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, “I’m just crying because of how wrong you are.”

“I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.”

“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.”

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.”

“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.”

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”

“My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.”

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner

Americans are incredibly inpatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk. – Jim Rohn

At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. – Ann Landers

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. – Alan Dundes

Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. – Joan Collins

Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us. – Stephen Colbert

Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs. – Martha Scott

The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. – Nicolas Chamfort

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. – Dave Barry

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. – Paul R. Ehrlich

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. – George Bernard Shaw

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. – Dick Cavett

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. – Charles Lamb

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. – Helen Rowland

He who laughs last didn’t get the joke. – Charles de Gaulle

A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know. – Laurence J. Peter

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller

If you’re going through hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’– Conan O’Brien

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it. – Clarence Darrow

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. – Groucho Marx

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas A. Edison

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles M. Schulz

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. – Albert Einstein

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there. – Yogi Berra

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. – W. C. Fields

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?– Ronald Reagan

I am only human, although I regret it. – Mark Twain

If you come to a fork in the road, take it. – Yogi Berra

We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love. – Robert Fulghum

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!– Groucho Marx

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. – Will Rogers

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. – Norman Wisdom

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. – Clint Eastwood

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. – Rodney Dangerfield

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. – Bill Vaughan

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. – Henny Youngman

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory. – Paul Fix

The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. – Hillary Clinton

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?– Milton Berle

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. – Douglas Adams

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. – Oscar Wilde

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. – Kin Hubbard

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. – Abraham Lincoln

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. – Billy Sunday

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going. – Reinhard Bonnke

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. – John F. Kennedy

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. – Oscar Levant

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own. – Si Robertson

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. – Steven Wright

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. – Robert Bloch

The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. – Terry Pratchett

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong. – Charles Wadsworth

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. – Redd Foxx

I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort. – J. Paul Getty

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?– John Barrymore

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection. – Drake

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. – Mark Twain

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?– Abraham Lincoln

Never have more children than you have car windows. – Erma Bombeck

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. – Cullen Hightower

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe. – Mark Twain

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. – Oscar Levant

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. – Dorothy Parker

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. – Douglas Adams

If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes. – Chuck Palahniuk

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. – Indira Gandhi

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. – Dave Barry

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. – Rita Mae Brown

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. – Steve Irwin

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. – Rodney Dangerfield

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Emo Philips

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. – Thomas Sowell

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Mark Twain

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead

If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?– Cynthia Heimel

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. – Don Marquis

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman. – Doug Larson

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. – Caroline Rhea

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. – Oliver Herford

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov

I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out. – John Fugelsang

A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. – Bill Vaughan

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. – Miles Kington

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. – Groucho Marx

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. – Demetri Martin

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!– Tom Lehrer

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. – Mark Twain

It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!– Steven Weinberg

The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. – Jim Harrison

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. – Erma Bombeck

God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk. – Meister Eckhart

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip

Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it. – Salvador Dali

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults. – Thomas Szasz

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. – Christopher Morley

Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. – Benjamin Franklin

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. – Winston Churchill

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. – Bill Maher

Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. – Voltaire

FunnyReign is one of the oldest funny jokes, quotes and humor sites on the internet today. Originally started back in September 2000, the site now focuses heavily on funny coloring books and more. Enjoy!

Continue Reading

Quotes

50 Thank You Quotes for Everything You Have in Life

FunnyReign

Published

on

“God gave you a gift of 84,600 seconds today. Have you used one of them to say thank you?”
― William Arthur Ward

“A little “thank you” that you will say to someone for a “little favor” shown to you is a key to unlock the doors that hide unseen “greater favors”. Learn to say “thank you” and why not?”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“A sincere attitude of gratitude is a beatitude for secured altitudes. Appreciate what you have been given and you will be promoted higher.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Grandchildren now don’t write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They are walking on their pants with their cap on backward, listening to the Enema Man and Snoopy, Snoopy Poop Dog.”
― Alan Simpson

“Walk together. Feel the heartbeats. Experience the presence. This is how to be thankful.”
― Amit Ray

“Why should I say thank you?” asked Mini. “I knew you could do it.”
― Roshani Chokshi

“You could’ve had anyone in the world, but you chose me.
Thank you.”
― Anthony T. Hincks

“I think you’ll find out you’ll be happier too,
If you think more of others and less about you.”
― Sherrill S. Cannon

“Thank you! ….for sharing your childhood with me so I could experience all joys that were missing in mine”
― Ginny Toole

“People here are so not used to hearing “thank you” that if you say it twice to a shopkeeper he will probably get a panic attack.”
― Nitya Prakash

“Express gratitude for the greatness of small things.”
― Richie Norton

“Mankind’s biggest blunder, ignorance. Mankind’s second, infallible.”
― M.T. Dismuke

“Some of you are eternal doormen. holding the door open for those who are headed out into greatness. I thank you for that.”
― Darnell Lamont Walker

“Be grateful for the life of those who mass up challenges on the paths to your fulfillment. At least they taught you self-defense!”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Thanks a bunch, brother. Remind me to thank you with a fist in your fool face.”
― Sandra Hill

“It is sometimes necessary to use unnecessary words like thank you and please, just to make a life prettier.”
― E.L. Konigsburg

“Learn to say “please” and “thank you” in multiple languages.”
― Steve Maraboli

“Careful, even now, not to thank the wights, she added, “You have all been most kind.”
― Cecilia Dart-Thornton,

“To become a better you, remember to be grateful to people who have contributed to making you who you are today.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“No matter how big or small the service is, Always express your Thanks to the person who served you.”
― Mohith Agadi

“Thank you for being such a beautiful friend.
I am in awe of you.”
― Scott Stabile

“Thank you for undusting my true colors; or color: black… Oh, how I missed the darkness!”
― Ahmed Mostafa

“I thank God for a gracious completion of my doctorate degree.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“You are a part of what we’re doing. We’re in this together.”
― Tina Coonce

“Saying thanks costs nothing but gives everything.”
― View colleges

“Those who are too arrogant to say thank you find boredom in life. They are often depressed, unhappy and lived an empty life.”
― Sesan Kareem

“In any relationship, frequent usage of two words is very important. They can change the course of destiny. These words are – Thank You, and Sorry.”
― Girdhar Joshi

“Expectations hurt, be it sorry, be it thank you.”
― Vikrmn

“Heavenly Father, I thank you for your favor.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“Surprise was not when I thanked my parents. The surprise came when they said, “What for”?”
― Faisal Khosa

“Distance and time might keep people apart, but the heart and mind will always stay connected by memories, miracles and the power of two unlikely souls that were destined to meet.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Be thankful and joyful.
Be content with life.
Make the most of every situation.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“To lose a worthless friend is worthy of a testimony.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“For my first recital ever, they gave me a cello. And for this one, they gave me you.”
― Gayle Forman

“I am thankful to the Lord for my redemption. I was once lost, now I am saved by grace.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“We do not owe any soul, except that which played the most vital role in our lives.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“I am grateful for the grace to see, to hear, to talk, to feel, to smell, to taste and to walk.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“The Heavens declare the glory of God.
Lord your unfailing love is as vast as the Heavens.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“My heart is filled with great joy.
I am so thankful to God for miraculously saving my life.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“The day I found my smile again was when I stood in my own storm and danced with my tribe.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“God doesn’t always bring you the entire truth. He sometimes gives it to you in pieces, in order to learn. Regardless, it is the piece that you got today that will renew your faith for tomorrow.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Gratitude is an open a heaven blessings!”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“To critique sexist images without offering alternatives is an incomplete intervention. Critique in and of itself does not lead to change.”
― bell hooks

“Know what you do, when you do it and how you do it…
You will thank me later!”
― Deyth Banger

“I have enough of everything.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“The cure is as simple as this: Live your words and live your belief system.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“The most influential people you will ever meet were once held together by the encouragement of others.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Gratitude is the antidote for misery. When you are counting your blessings, you are too busy to be counting your problems.”
― Miya Yamanouchi

“Keep your head up and heart open. And make “Thank You” your mantra of life!”
― Abhishek Kumar

“I can write three hundred and sixty-five grateful thanks.
Cultivate the habit to write gratitude daily.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

Continue Reading

Quotes

50 Deep Quotes that Will Really Make You Think

FunnyReign

Published

on

“Pain changes people, it makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out.”– Janet Jackson

“Someone once asked me, “Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?” I replied, “Why do you assume I see two roads?”– Bernard Cage

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”– Francisco Reyes

“I just want people to take a step back, take a deep breath and actually look at something with a different perspective. But most people will never do that.” – Brian McKnight

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”– Anonymous

“The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.”– Sandra Jones

“The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become.”– Nelson Mandela

“Life is like a piano. The white keys represent happiness and the black shows sadness. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys also make music.”–  Andre Silva

“Dead people receive more flowers than living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.” – Anne Frank

“The secret to happiness is to never expect anything from anyone, then you will never be disappointed.”– Abraham Lincoln

“When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.”– Jerry Gana

“If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes getting angry about it.”– Aristotle

“They say: before you start a war you better know what you’re fighting for.”– Unknown

“Hurting someone can be as easy as throwing a stone in the sea. But do you have any idea how deep that stone can go?”– Anonymous

“Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It’s the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else’s pain is as meaningful as your own.” – Barbara Kingsolver

“A meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words.”– Miguel Rodri

“Do not let your grand ambitions stand in the way of small but meaningful accomplishments.” – Bryant H. McGill

“You just decide what your values are in life and what you are going to do, and then you feel like you count, and that makes life worth living. It makes my life meaningful.” – Annie Lennox

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” – Epicurus

“The longer I go about living, I see it’s the relationship that is most meaningful.” – William Shatner

“What makes things memorable is that they are meaningful, significant, colorful.” – Joshua Foer

“I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words.” – Ann Hood

“If you love someone tell them. Because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.”– Dana Houston

“Courage is knowing what not to fear.” Manny Pacquiao

“It is better to have a meaningful life and make a difference than to merely have a long life.” – Bryant H. McGill

“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.”– Churchill

“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.”– Fred Angel

“Together we can face any challenges as deep as the ocean and as high as the sky.” – Sonia Gandhi

“Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.”– John Legend

“A true test of character isn’t how you are on your best days but how you act on your worst days.”– Alexander

“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.” – Mandy Hale

“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.”– Blessing Anthony

“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going.” – Chantal Sutherland

“Since loving is about knowing, we have more meaningful love relationships when we know each other and it takes time to know each other.” – Bell Hooks

“Every human walks around with a certain kind of sadness. They may not wear it on their sleeves, but it’s there if you look deep.” – Taraji P. Henson

“You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.”– Brooks

“Happiness is within. It has nothing to do with how much applause you get or how many people praise you. Happiness comes when you believe that you have done something truly meaningful.” – Martin Yan

“Life is the most exciting opportunity we have. But we have one shot. You graduate from college once, and that’s it. You’re going out of that nest. And you have to find that courage that’s deep, deep, deep in there. Every step of the way.” – Andrew Shue

“The biggest mistake you could ever make is being too afraid to make one.”– Unknown

“You must listen to your heart and follow it or it will find a million ways to remind you that there is something missing.”– Blake Rowen

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” – Dalai Lama

“There will be times in your life when you have to choose between being loved and being respected. Always pick being respected. That love without respect was always fleeting. But that respect could grow into real, lasting love.”– James Rice

“I walk in the darkness so that others may see the light!”– Halima Diane

“On the other side of fear lies freedom.”– Anthony Joshua

“Life is difficult. Not just for me or other ALS patients. Life is difficult for everyone. Finding ways to make life meaningful and purposeful and rewarding, doing the activities that you love and spending time with the people that you love – I think that’s the meaning of this human experience.” – Steve Gleason

“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want.” – Oprah Winfrey

“Just because my path is different doesn’t mean I’m lost.”– Anonymous

“Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good.” – Vaclav Havel

“No reason to stay is a good reason to go.”– Anonymous

“Once someone’s hurt you, it’s harder to relax around them, harder to think of them as safe to love. But it doesn’t stop you from wanting them.” – Holly Black

Continue Reading

Quotes

50 Thankful Quotes to Show Appreciation for Everything

FunnyReign

Published

on

“Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone…just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Be thankful for everything that happens in your life; it’s all an experience.”
― Roy T. Bennett

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.”
― Henry Ward Beecher

“It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”
― Germany Kent

“A little “thank you” that you will say to someone for a “little favor” shown to you is a key to unlock the doors that hide unseen “greater favors”. Learn to say “thank you” and why not?”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“The gift was not large as money goes, and my need was not great, but the spirit of the gift is beyond the price and leaves me blessed and in debt.”
― Robert Fulghum

“I want to thank you for the profound joy I’ve had in the in the thought of you.”
― Rosie Alison

“Life is a web of intersections and choices. Your 1st choice is to recognize an intersection. Your 2nd choice is to be grateful for it.”
― Ryan Lilly

“Be thankful for the infinitesimal thing that you have. Learn to value the blessings.”
― Giridhar Alwar

“Thankfulness acknowledges that we can’t own anything, but we can experience everything. And just knowing that makes me thankful.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“I’m just thankful for the people that never left me and equally thankful for those who did.”
― Nitya Prakash

“Express gratitude for the greatness of small things.”
― Richie Norton

“Sometimes we need to see the bad side, to appreciate the good side.”
― Anthony Liccione

“Appreciate your mom. She is wiser than you think and stronger than you know. Be thankful.”
― Steve Maraboli

“For my success, I am immensely grateful to God, my parents, my family, my friends, my teachers and to the books I read.”
― Amit Kalantri

“The pondering heart is a thankful heart.”
― Todd Stocker

“I am thankful that God gave me the ability to write!”
― Jen Selinsky

“The grass may not be softer later, and it may be brown tomorrow, but at least it’s not lava.”
― Kaitlin Tormey

“You cannot, at the very same time, be grateful and unhappy, or ungrateful and happy.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The mind is inclined to zoom in on your problem, or a few problems, to an extent that you cannot see your many blessings.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Gratitude tends to attract the things for which we are grateful in advance.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Greed is the handcuffs and gratitude is the key. Sadly, sometimes we prefer wearing the cuffs to finding the keys.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“Being thankful reminds us that if it’s broken it’s an opportunity.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“We ought to be thankful not only for what we have but also for what we do not have.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“If you feel you are always being used,
thank Almighty He made you useful.”
― Ibn Jeem

“Even the worst that has ever happened to you could have been worse.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“The truly grateful is also grateful for being grateful.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“You will never be truly happy until you are grateful for what you already have.”
― Jayce O’Neal

“I am thankful to God every day for the Gift of Life because even if I were the richest in the world, I still wouldn’t afford to buy Life.”
― Gift Gugu Mona

“I lie in bed at night, after ending my prayers with the words ‘Ich Danke dir für all das Gute und Liebe und Schöne’ (Thank you, God, for all that is good and dear and beautiful)”
― Anne Frank

“An attitude of thankfulness keeps me centered when every attitude other than thankfulness promises me a center that it can’t find.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“let’s just be thankful that we get to be on earth at the same time as everybody we get to meet, ok.”
― Jonny Sun

“Be thankful and joyful.
Be content with life.
Make the most of every situation.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“God is not ignoring your prayers, He is working behind the scene perfecting all that concerns you, praise Him.”
― Jaachynma N.E. Agu

“Be grateful for the life of those who mass up challenges on the paths to your fulfillment. At least they taught you self-defense!”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“To increase the odds of being thanked, some people compliment some people; some make kids.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I am grateful for the grace to see, to hear, to talk, to feel, to smell, to taste and to walk.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“My heart is filled with great joy.
I am so thankful to God for miraculously saving my life.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“It is a great blessing to wake each day and give thanks to God.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“Unhappiness is a contagious disease caused by a chronic deficiency of gratitude.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Always be thankful for the little things… even the smallest mountains can hide the most breathtaking views!”
― Nyki Mack

“It is impossible to lose everything and still be alive.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Thank God, who rescued us from every danger.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“I am thankful to God every day for the Gift of Life because even if I were the richest in the world, I still wouldn’t afford to buy Life.”
― Gift Gugu Mona

“If you have life and wellbeing, it is enough to be content.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“Thank God for the strength to work.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“When we’re sitting in the Bronx somewhere nice and dry, you’re going to thank me for this educational adventure.”
― Jason Medina

“Be thankful for every mountain, because it is the mountaintop that will give you the best view of the world.”
― Gift Gugu Mona

“Thank God who gave us relief from ruins of suffering.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita

“Suffering and happiness are not mutually exclusive.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Continue Reading

Quotes

50 New Year Quotes for Inspirational Beginnings and Goal Setting

FunnyReign

Published

on

”Let go of yesterday. Let today be a new beginning and be the best that you can, and you’ll get to where God wants you to be.” – Joel Osteen

”For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.” – T.S. Eliot

”We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” – Edith Lovejoy Pierce

”And now let us welcome the New Year, full of things that never were.” —Rainer Maria Rilke

” The beginning is always today.” —Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

”It is never too late to be what you might have been.” —George Eliot

”Let’s forget the baggage of the past and make a new beginning.” – Shehbaz Sharif

”The beginning is the most important part of the work.” – Plato

”No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” – C. JoyBell C.

”New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.” – Charles Lamb

”The New Year symbolizes the ending of one year and the beginning of yet another. We celebrate this event, yet it is only a moment in time, like any other day. But it is also considered a time when new beginnings can happen.” – Catherine Pulsifer

”As this New Year approaches find inspiration around you, and motivation within you, to be all that you can be.” – Kate Summers

”Each year’s regrets are envelopes in which messages of hope are found for the New Year.”- John R. Dallas Jr.

”Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” – Oprah Winfrey

”This cannot be the year of talking. Of wishing. Of wanting. This has to be the year, you get it done!” – Eric Thomas

”Your success and happiness lie in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.” – Helen Keller

”New Year’s Day. A fresh start. A new chapter in life waiting to be written. New questions to be asked, embraced, and loved. Answers to be discovered and then lived in this transformative year of delight and self-discovery. Today carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream, pen in hand. Only dreams give birth to change.”- Sarah Ban Breathnach

”And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.”- Rainer Maria Rilke

”This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.” ― Taylor Swift

”The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.” – Melody Beattie

”Whether we want them or not, the New Year will bring new challenges; whether we seize them or not, the New Year will bring new opportunities.” – Michael Josephson

”A new year brings not only happiness, but it also makes us happy with the hope to fulfill our dreams or a new beginning of our life. So, a new year is very special for everyone.” – Santonu Kumar Dhar

”The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.” — G.K. Chesterton

”I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.” – Neil Gaiman

”New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.” – Charles Lamb

”Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” – Brooks Atkinson

”It’s New Year’s Day Hurray! Hurray! The old year’s past and gone away. We’ll raise our glasses and make a toast because this Now and this Present is what means the most.” – Sharon Gardner

”The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!” – Edward Payson Powell

”This bright new year is given me to live each day with zest, to daily grow and try to be My highest and my best!” – William Arthur Ward

”A brand new year could be considered the seed, and your goals could be the buds, but taking action and achieving your dreams, well, that is the flower. May the New Year be your seed and may you have lots of flowers to inspire you!” – Kate Summers

”Celebrate what you want to see more of.” – Tom Peters

”It Doesn’t Matter Where You Came From. All That Matters Is Where You Are Going.”- Brian Tracy

“The merry year is born Like the bright berry from the naked thorn.” – Hartley Coleridge

”New Year’s Eve, where an auld acquaintance is forgotten. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.” – Jay Leno

”Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.” – Benjamin Franklin

”Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier.’” –Alfred Lord Tennyson

”With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

”I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” –Thomas Jefferson

”It is our attitude toward life that determines life’s attitude toward us. We get back what we put out.” – Earl Nightingale

”You will never win if you never begin.” – Helen Rowland

”I close my eyes to old ends. And open my heart to new beginnings.” – Nick Frederickson

”Take a leap of faith and begin this wondrous new year by believing.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

”What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet.” – Anne Frank

”Every single year, we’re a different person. I don’t think we’re the same person all of our lives.” – Steven Spielberg

”Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.” – Brad Paisley

”And suddenly you know: It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” – Meister Eckhart

“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.” – Paulo Coehlo

”Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

”We all get the exact same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them.” – Hillary DePiano

”A New Year brings new grace for new accomplishments.” – Lailah Gifty Akita

Continue Reading

Quotes

50 Monday Quotes to Kick Off Your Week in the Right Direction

FunnyReign

Published

on

“People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”– Apple Computers

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” – M.K. Gandhi

“In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.”– Sid Caesar

“Death is not the greatest loss in life; the greatest loss is what dies inside while you’re still alive.” – Unknown

“You define your own life. Don’t let other people write your life’s story for you.”–Unknown

“The difference between who you are and who you want to be, is what you do. “– Unknown

“Good things don’t come to those who wait. Good things come to those who pursue the goals and dreams they believe in.” – Unknown

“I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.” – Oprah Winfred

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

“Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there’s a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living”. – Unknown

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”. – Unknown

“A mind is like a parachute, it doesn’t work if it isn’t open”. – Frank Zappa

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Dennis P. Kimbro

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. “– Zig Ziglar

“If not us, who? If not now, when?” – John F. Kennedy

“Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are”. – Dale Carnegie

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.”– Joe Girard

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”– Marilyn Monroequotes

“No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.” – Unknown

“If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.”– Unknown

“Making one person smile can change the world – maybe not the whole world, but their world.” – Unknown

“As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.” – Unknown

“Making a hundred friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you.”– Unknown

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”– Unknown

“Falling in love is not a choice. To stay in love is.”– Unknown

“In life, if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.” – Unknown

“Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.”– Unknown

“You will never become who you want to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are now.”– Unknown

“People are more what they hide than what they show.” – Unknown

“Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you. It takes someone really special to stay in your life and show how much they love you.” – Unknown

“When someone tells you, “ You’ve changed,” it might simply be because you’ve stopped living your life their way.”– Unknown

“Be happy. Be yourself. If others don’t like it, then let them be. Happiness is a choice. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.” – Unknown

“When you’re up, your friends know who you are. When you’re down, you know who your friends are.” – Unknown

“No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.”– Unknown

“Many people are so poor because the only thing they have is money.” – Unknown

“What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while.” – Unknown

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.” – Unknown

“The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.”– Mark Caine

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.”– Peter F. Drucker

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” – Pablo Picasso

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”– Robert Brault

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”– Winston Churchill

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You make a living by what you earn; you make a life by what you give.” – Winston Churchill

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”– Lao Tzu

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great makes you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain

“Every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first, it is ridiculed. In the second, it is opposed. In the third, it is regarded as self evident.”– Arthur Schopenhauer

Continue Reading

Trending